


bury my love

by SweetyTaylor16



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depression, Friendship, Loss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:29:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27703490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetyTaylor16/pseuds/SweetyTaylor16
Summary: Sometimes Love isn't enough. Sometimes people refuse to see what's really there and sometimes they don't until its to late. please read and review.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Kudos: 8





	bury my love

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Haikyuu...story inspired by an amv I found on Youtube. it follows if you are interested https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ttEWgLYJFY&list=PLVEfD1Hv4HUtMM_98tRB8A1tRIltMaNke&index=2

3rd person p.o.v

Tsukishima Kei and Yamaguchi Tadashi had been friends since middle school. Now in high school Kei watched his friend closely and often wondered what his life would have been like had he never stood up for him that day on the way home. Tadashi often found himself doing the same but had long ago concluded that he had to keep it to himself.

The better the team did in games the more Kei wanted to get better than he was and the more he pushed his feelings of anger on to Tadashi. He made the decision that he was going to move to a better school where he could train with people even better.

Kei's P.O.V

"I'm leaving." He said one night on the way home walking with Tadashi. His freckled friend turned his head with a look of confusion.

"What do you mean?" the words came out soft but angry and he had to look away as he answered.

"I'm going somewhere else to train." He eyed his friend out of the corner of his eyes and noticed how his dark eyes seemed to lose their light.

"What hell Tsukki! You can't just up and leave." Tadashi all but screamed turning to fully face him, his hands balled into fists at his sides.

"Yes, I can. I'm not getting any better here! I need to go!" He yelled back pushing his glasses back up on his nose.

"Where the hell are you going?" The question from the brunette caught him off guard and he growled slightly as he said it.

"Not that it's any of your business but Tokyo." He said while screaming in his head that he wasn't doing this to hurt Tadashi.

"It is my business! We're supposed to be best friends, and this is something we should have talked about! Why would you keep this from me? Why not just tell me you were thinking of leaving before you made the choice?" Dark eyes meet his and Kei had to push down his feelings again.

"You would have held me back." He said without thinking and saw the fire in his friend's eyes fade and be replaced with a deeper sadness than he ever wanted to see in them.

"If you truly think that than I hope you enjoy your time away and don't expect to hear from me." He said turning away and running to his house.

Kei looked down at his hand that was still reaching for where his friend had been and closed his eyes pulling it back in and fighting back the tears he knew he wouldn't allow himself to cry. When had he lost his mind and his heart? When had he lost his ability to keep his Tadashi happy? That thought made him pause again. When had he become his Tadashi?

He walked the rest of the way home and after calling out he was home going up to pack. He knew it was cowardly to wait until the night before he left to say anything but he just couldn't bring himself to do it earlier. He packed up his clothes, shoes and other necessities. When he grabbed his volleyball, he was lost in his memories watching himself practicing at the park with Tadashi who was smiling and laughing and promising that they would become great one day.

A knock on his bedroom door caught his attention and he looked up to see his big brother giving him a knowing look. "I take it Tadashi didn't take the news well?"

Kei sneered. "No, what gave you that idea?"

His brother sighed but didn't say anything else about it. "Dinner is ready, I'm taking you to the station in the morning."

He nodded and followed him down to eat.

Tadashi's P.O.V

Tsukki has been acting weird lately. He has been even more cold than normal and pulling away from the team. He hasn't wanted to hang out much outside of school either. It's like our friendship is falling apart and that hurts. I used to think that I was just in awe of how cool Tsukki was, but I realized in the beginning of freshmen year that what I felt wasn't awe. I love Tsukki, everything about him from his cool nature to his sarcastic sense of humor. He is loyal and will stand up for those he cares about no matter what.

I knew something was up but I was not expecting him to tell me he was leaving. I screamed at him and I felt my heart break in two as he told me I would have held him back. I never would have done that. Above everything he was my best friend and I only want the best for him even if that means going our separate ways.

When I got home, I went straight up to my room and texted the little ball of sun shine known as Hinata. Whenever I needed someone to talk to about Tsukki I could talk to him and know it wouldn't go any further unless I wanted it to.

Tadashi -Hey Hinata, did you know Tsukishima is leaving?

Hinata- WHAT! LEAVEING!

Tadashi- yeah, he told me on the way home. He is moving away…

Hinata- Damn it. You okay?

Tadashi- Don't know how to answer that…. It hurts…. what the hell is he thinking….

Hinata- I don't know but we'll get through this, you know you have the team…

Tadashi – thanks Hinata…could you let the others know, Somehow, I doubt he told anyone…Daichi and Suga are going to be pissed…. not to mention coach…

Hinata- I got it.

I sat down on my bed with tears barely held in check and wished not for the first time that things could have been easier, why couldn't I have fallen in love with someone who would return those feelings? Why did I have to fall for my best friend? Why the boy who had saved me from not only myself but bullies multiply times since we meet? I lay down and curled in on myself just as my phone buzzed again letting me know I had a message. I ignored it in favor of closing my eyes and forcing myself to sleep.

Hinata's P.O.V

Damn that Tsukishima. If he had to be an ass he could have at least done it when we were all there to support Yamaguchi. I looked up from my phone and meet the dark blue eyes of my partner. Kagayama was my friend, rival and partner in volleyball. We had been celebrating our last day of school with a party, most of the others were sitting around the room minus Yamaguchi, Tsukishima and Tanaka. The former had decided to walk home together as normal since their families both had plans for the night and the later had to work as he had gotten a job.

"What's up dumbass?" Kagayama asked eyeing me strangely and causing the others to turn from their conversations to look at us.

"Yamaguchi texted, did any of you know Tsukishima is leaving?" I stressed his name and the word leaving.

Nishinoya's mouth dropped open, Asahi shook his head, Daichi looked ready to explode, and Suga's eyes narrowed into slits. Before anyone could say anything though my phone started blasting Break the Rules, the song I had set for Kenma's ring tone. I answered while they all started whispering to each other.

"Hey Kenma."

"Shoyo, you busy tomorrow?"

I felt myself smile a little. "Not really what's up?"

"Wanna come visit? Kuro and I are going to hang out with Bokuto and Akashi who are coming by." The normally quiet boy said

I thought about it for a moment than asked "Could I bring Yamaguchi?"

The team stopped talking and looked at me again I just waved them off. On the other end of the line I heard him talking to Kuro before the answer came through.

"Bring freckles along shorty, it's cool, the more the merrier." Kuro's deeper voice sounded and I could hear Kenma trying to get his phone back, "Got to go shorty." The line went dead and I thought to myself I wouldn't want to be Kuro when Kenma got done with him.

The party wound down and everyone who was going home left before it got too late. Kageyama passed out on the futon we had put out for him. I climbed in to bed knowing that I was probably going to have a hard time getting Yamaguchi out of his room let alone his house in the morning.

When I woke up it was to find Kageyama in the kitchen his bag at his feet. "Ready to leave already?"

"Says the one going to visit the nekoma setter?" he raised his eyebrow in a question even though his voice remained monotone.

"Kenma." I insisted again "Is my friend, can't you call him by his name?"

"No." he replied, "he is not my friend."

I sighed. This conversation was old. Over the two years that we had known the nekoma team both Kuro and Kenma had tried to be friendly to Kageyama but he just didn't get it. I blame it on his past relationships with his team and the Great king, Oikawa…that was just insanity. For being as good as he is at volleyball he felt so threatened by Kageyama that he had treated the boy like an enemy when he was only trying to learn from someone he had respect for. Now the two couldn't be in the same room without a fight. If one didn't start it the other did.

"You are coming with me to get Yamaguchi before you head home?" I asked instead.

He nodded. I ate breakfast, told my mom and sister that I was going to visit Kenma and would be back later. Mom said to let her know if I was going to crash at Kenma or Kuro's something I had done a few times.

Tsukishima's P.O.V

My phone buzzed for hours last night. Each of my sempai had messaged me and when I didn't respond they started calling me. I finally answered Suga's call and told him that yes, I am leaving, No I would not be back for the next year and then had to listen to the normally calm boy tell me I was being rude and insensitive by not telling them ahead of time and that he would still be there if I decided I needed a friend. I thanked him told him I would call if I needed anything and asked him to keep an eye on Tadashi while getting a promise from him not tell him about it.

By the time I got to sleep my head hurt and I didn't know how I felt about tomorrow. When I woke up the only thing I was sure of was that I felt the need to change and I couldn't do that here. My brother took me to the station where I was surprised to find Tanaka, Asahi and Noya waiting.

I eyed them strangely until Tanaka pulled me in to a head lock and gave me a nuggie. I cursed under my breath and pulled myself out of his grasp.

"Thought you'd get out without saying anything huh?" he gave me a glare. "Don't be dumb. We're a team, more than that we're friends."

"Don't worry about him we will do everything we can to make him happy and safe." Asahi said knowingly and I baulked, I had been so careful how did he know.

Noya Jumped and slapped the back of my head, I glared at the libero and then shuddered as his sharp eyes stared into mine.

"Anything happens at all, you call!" he demanded pointing at the three of them and the others nodded.

My brother laughed into his hand until Tanaka shot him a glare and then he gulped. I couldn't help it I laughed. Really these guys are just insane but I had to admit I would miss them. I looked around hoping I would find Tadashi.

"He isn't here." Noya said quietly and I looked back at him "You are looking for Yamaguchi, right?"

I nodded

"Hinata is taking him to visit Kenma and Kuro." Asahi said.

I sighed to myself but nodded. I said goodbye and got on my train.

Tadashi's P.O.V

I woke up to pounding on my bedroom door and sighed. I was barely out of bed when the door flew open and a ball of orange shot through followed by a slower and calmer black-haired boy.

"Really Hinata, you're going to hurt him." Kageyama drawled as Hinata crashed into me sending us both spiraling to the ground.

Hinata looked sheepishly at me as he got up and offered me his hand. I took it with a nod. "Why are you here so early?" I asked looking at the clock. It was only 7 am…when had they gotten up? I cocked my head to the side in thought.

"We've been invited to visit Kenma and Kuro, so I came to get you and he came with before heading home." Hinata said than shot Kageyama a look when he went to say something but I let it go.

"I'm really not in the mood." I said with a sigh. My head hurt, my heart ached and I didn't want to see anyone let alone if it meant going to Tokyo when I knew He was going there as well and not coming back.

"Nope not a chance." Hinata grabbed my hand pulled me back up and I found myself wondering when I had slid to the floor again. Kageyama nodded in agreement with Hinata and grabbed my bag. He handed it to me and glared silently until I gave in and took it. I should have known after I told Hinata last night that he wouldn't just leave me alone after all we didn't call him the ball of sunshine for no reason, if any of us was ever down he would find a way to bring us back up lighting the whole world as he did.

My mom had gone to work already leaving me breakfast in the fridge, I ate and quickly washed the plate before leaving her a note that I was going out with Hinata and may not be back tonight. The three of us stopped by coach Ukai's store on the way to the train station, then Kageyama left us outside the station. Hinata grabbed my hand and pulled me with him to the train he knew would take us to Kenma's part of town. I sighed and leaned my head against the glass while he chattered.

"Yo! Shorty! Freckles." I mock glared at Kuro as we got off the train but my brain froze upon noticing that there were two others here besides Kuro and Kenma. Bokuto and Akashi. I turned to face my friend with a look of shock.

"I forgot to mention they were coming too, didn't I?" he blushed his cheeks bright red and clashing with his orange hair. I just glared. I really didn't want to deal with this. That was when I felt a small hand on my arm and looked away from Hinata to stare in to the wide eyes belonging to Kenma.

"it's not too much is it?" he whispered almost so softly I couldn't hear it and softly enough I knew it was meant only for me. I shook my head.

"Just caught me off guard."

"Yo! Yo!" Bokuto called out enthusiastically and I had to fight back a flinch. The last time I had seen these two was with Tsukki. I screwed my eyes tight to stop the tears. The hand on my arm disappeared and I felt arms snake around my waist, I slowly looked down to see the roots of Kenma's hair as he hugged me uncertainly and Hinata and Kuro looked on in fascination from the side lines while Akashi pulled Bokuto back as he tried to do the same.

"Thanks" I whispered to the older boy who moved back and smiled at me.

"Everyone needs one now and then." He said

"Damn Freckles, he won't even hug me anymore." Kuro said with a pout and I smiled softly.

"Guess you just don't need it like I did." I replied

"it's good to see you again Yamaguchi-kun." Akashi said

"You as well Akashi-san." I replied bowing slightly which made everyone laugh. Oh well. They were all older than us by a year and were in their senior year or in college. It still felt weird that we were all so close to the end of high school or out already.

"How is everyone?" Akashi asked

Hinata told them that most of the team was doing well. That Tanaka had a part time job now, and was considering colleges same as the others who had graduated. He and Kageyama were working on something for volleyball that he refused to tell them about and I told them I was doing alright, planning to focus on my studies and volleyball for the year.

"What about Glasses?" Bokuto asked and I stopped walking. I had known it would come up. I looked at Hinata and then answered.

"He left." I walked off as quickly as I could, heading toward where I knew Kenma's to be; figuring that was the destination I didn't look back of course if I had I would have seen all five of them watching me with concern.

Kuro's P.O.V

In the two years that we had all been playing together I had noticed that where Tsukishima was there was usually Yamaguchi and Vice a versa so when he said that Tsukishima had left I felt my jaw drop. I don't think he realizes that the only person who didn't know how he felt about 'Tsukki' as he called him was his 'best friend'. I shared a look with Kenma and noticed his blue eyes spark with something akin to sadness for a moment before it was replaced with anger and I growled softly.

Tsukishima had been a favorite of both mine and Bokuto's to practice with at the camps but more than that I had thought he was a friend and I had thought that Yamaguchi was as well. I could see his sadness even as he forced smiles throughout the rest of the day. We all talked to him but kept Tsukishima out of the conversations to make him feel better.

Akashi kept an eye on him silently as someone who knew the ins and outs of heart break, not that he ever talked about it to me of course. I wasn't stupid and I knew how he felt about Bo and that Bo couldn't figure it out for anything even though he knew how Tsukishima and Yamaguchi both felt he was just dumb enough not to know how he or his 'pretty setter' felt. I am sure if need be we can pull him out of a depression should he fall in to one and I was sure after a shared look with Hinata that this was why he had asked to bring the shier boy along.

Bokuto like me was watching how everyone interacted but he was still being his normal enthusiastic self and even got the boy to play some volleyball with him in the park while we watched. Kenma talking excitedly to 'Shoyo'. I snorted once when Yamaguchi hit Bo with his serve and started apologizing. Bo just laughed it off and clapped him on the back.

I turned my gaze from them to Kenma and shorty just in time to see them whispering and had stop myself from frowning in jealously. What I had said earlier was true Kenma wasn't as open to hugging me or even touching me as he used to be since before I had graduated. That was something I think shorty forgot about, but Bo and I are in our first year of college here in Tokyo and going to the same school. Akashi and Kenma are third years or Seniors. Sugawara 'Suga', Daichi and Asahi had all graduated to and from what I had heard were not only considering colleges but colleges in Tokyo so it seems like the crows maybe breaking up and apart far sooner than either of these two wanted to admit.

I hope that they will be able to deal with it if they do.

Yamauchi's P.O.V

Kei- I will miss you Tadashi. I am sorry but I need to do this. Goodbye.

I stared at the message on my phone as the others talked amongst themselves. How could he do this. Damn Tsukki. I couldn't control my tears this time and let them fall only to be wiped away by small hands while I felt myself dragged back into two strong sets of arms and didn't bother to fight it as the phone was removed from my hands by Hinata. I knew Bokuto and Kuro were telling me I was safe by hugging me as I cried and that Kenma was showing he cared by trying to stop the tears. I could hear Akashi and Hinata murmuring and knew they were coming up with ways to make me smile even as my heart was breaking.

For once in my life I was glad for the strangeness that had come from joining the team and from meeting those here with me. I don't know when I cried myself to sleep just that I did because I woke up in Kenma's room with him and Hinata both curled up on either side of me and the others spiraled about on the floor. Kuro had an arm thrown over his eyes the other under his head. Bokuto was laying against the small couch his head leaning back on Akashi's thigh where he lay across the couch his long lashes fluttering in his sleep. Not for the first time I was amazed by how accurate Bokuto had been calling the boy pretty. I looked at the clock and did a double take it was midnight. Damn I really passed out. I lay back down and it wasn't long before both Kenma and Hinata had curled closer each grabbing my hands. It felt nice. Like they were offering support and I slowly feel back into a peaceful sleep.

Tsukishima's P.O.V

It's been six months since I left. I haven't heard from Tadashi in the whole six months. Suga and I still talk but with him being in college he isn't around as much either. He says that Tadashi is quiet but working hard and that he has been going with Hinata to visit Kenma more often. He thinks that the slightly older boy may have become a good friend and I hope he is right because I would hate for Tadashi to be alone and become depressed.

I hate this school for the most part. I haven't made friends, I didn't come here for that. I came here to get better at volleyball and to try to live without Tadashi. He deserves better than me. He deserves someone who knows how to show his or her feelings and who can return them without doubting.

I fall asleep at night only to dream of his smiling face and the promise I know I broke by leaving. To see him moving on with his life without me and to know that it was my choice to break my own heart and my desire to give him everything he deserved that I couldn't possibly give him.

I missed my best friend and I missed those secret smiles, the sorry Tsukki when he did something that either made me mad or embarrassed me. How his eyes would light up when we played volleyball together.

It had been three months since I saw Tanaka and Asahi who were now going to college here. We ran into each other at the mall it was nice to see them but it also made me ache inside. Two months since I had heard from Hinata that he wished I had stayed because nothing was the same since I left and a month since Kageyama had called and screamed at me for being a chicken when it came to feelings. I had snapped and told the king that he had no right to go on about me and my feelings when he had yet to tell the ball of sunshine how he felt. It had resulted in a ten-minute yelling match that ended with us both laughing at the absurdity that was either of us calling the other out and agreeing on a truce.

I had managed to get better at volleyball and keep my grades up so I didn't fail classes.

Kageyama' s P.O.V

It was after a disaster of a phone call with Tsukishima that I finally told Hinata how I felt. He smiled at me, sighed and pulled me in to a kiss. I blinked. I couldn't believe it was happening.

There were cat calls from all around the gym as the others in our year and Noya made it known that they thought it was about time. I kissed him back and when we had to breath a smile took over my face. I am so glad I finally told him.

"I was beginning to wonder if it was just me." He said softly and I smiled at him.

"Dumbass."

"Guess that is my pet name." he laughed and I wondered when I had started calling him that without the malice behind it but I just nodded. "You're still a Bakayama, then." He said with a laugh and I didn't even glare.

"Congratulations guys." Came Yamaguchi's soft voice and we both turned to him with smiles.

That was two weeks ago and today the three of us are on the train to meet up with Kenma and Akashi at Kenma's house. Yamaguchi's eyes don't have the same haunted look as they did when Tsukishima first left but they aren't completely back to normal yet either. As soon as we are off the train Akashi and Kenma are hugging the brunette and greeting the two of us with warm smiles. The conversation stays with school until Hinata suggests going to the mall and the five of us head that way.

"Hey, Hey, Hey." I turn at the voice calling out and stare as Bokuto and Kuro make their way through the crowd toward us. Hinata looks like a fly caught in a trap as Kenma and Akashi turn to stare at him reproachfully. I sigh. What now?

"Akashi!" Bokuto launches himself at the other setter and I snort as he lands at his feet because he stepped back just in time. He glares down at his grey haired former ace and captain.

"No, Bokuto. You can't even be bothered to call you don't get a hug." The stoic teen said his glare intensifying.

"But Akashi." He whined as he sat up rubbing his head. "I was studying for midterms." He pouted.

"What's your excuse?" Kenma glared at Kuro.

"I need one?" Kuro cocked a brow and Kenma glared at him.

Ehh this is drama I do not want.

Yamaguchi's P.O.V

I laughed at Bokuto's pout. After four months together, you would think he would have realized Akashi wanted to hear from him as often as he could and that he should at least send him a message. It only takes a few minutes.

Then I frowned at Kuro. He was a real idiot sometimes. I pulled Kenma close and he growled at me.

"If you can growl at me for hugging my friend, you need one." I said stressing the word friend and glaring at him. He stopped took a moment to think about that and then smirked walking forward and pulling a startled Kenma from my arms and pressing a kiss to his surprised lips.

"So since when have I had such an adorable boyfriend waiting on me at home?" he asked teasingly and I felt my heart warm for my friends.

Kenma mumbled something under his breath that sound surprisingly like stupid Kuro and snuggled into his arms.

I looked around and noticed that even though I was the only single one here it didn't bother me as much as it used to. I still missed Tsukki and I still loved him but I was learning to live without him. We went to the mall and after walking around for a few hours I went off on my own. I ended up in the restroom and I did something I hadn't done in months took my phone out and messaged Tsukki.

Tadashi- Tsukki, I miss you Baka, but I think I understand why you left now. I was relaying on you too much and we both needed to prove we could survive on our own.

I heard screaming outside the bathroom and tried to open the door as the ground started to shake. I took a few seconds to send one last message just before the world exploded around me it said

-I love you. I'm Sorry Tsukki

Tsukishima's P.O.V

I blinked at the name on the screen of my phone as it showed I had two new messages from Tadashi. I felt fear claw at my insides as I read the second message. I tried calling him. I tried messaging him and when I couldn't get him on the line I called Hinata.

"Tsukishima." The voice that answered was not the ball of sunshine.

"Is Tadashi with you!" I cried into the phone pure terror running through my vines.

"We lost him in the chaos here." Kageyama said and I could hear Kenma and Hinata in the back-ground yelling for him.

"Where?" I asked

"The mall. We came to Tokyo to visit Kenma and Akashi, He went off on his own about ten minutes ago. We're trying to find him. Hopefully he got out before…" and Kageyama trailed off.

"Before what!" I screamed

"Bombs went off, half the mall was blown up, it's a mess. Tsukishima we are going to find him." This time the voice was one I hadn't heard for almost a year. Kuro had taken the phone.

"He messaged me, he said he loved me and he was sorry…" I broke down then falling to my knees. "Kuro, I don't think you're going to find him."

I vaguely heard Kuro calling out to Bokuto and Akashi to keep looking and Kenma to find Hinata and Kageyama who had also gone to look after he took the phone. I barely remember telling him where I was and then everything went dark.

When I opened my eyes again it was to see Kuro and Suga both whispering in the corner of the room where we were. I blinked before time caught up with me and I bolted up from the bed calling out for Tadashi. Kuro grabbed me and pulled me tight as Suga called out the door and the others made their way in. Tanaka, Daichi, Asahi, Noya, Kageyama, Hinata, Kenma, Bokuto and Akashi all came in looking tired and upset. Kuro refused to let go as I kept screaming. Everyone was crying and I knew then that I had been right. He had apologized because he wouldn't be coming back to me, I gave up fighting and cried in the arms of my friend and former rival as my heart shredded. No, I never told him how I felt and it was too late now. He would never know that he was my sun and that I would always love him. He would never know that I had buried my love for him so deeply and that I had been wrong. I cried thinking his last words were…. Sorry Tsukki.


End file.
